Jury awards $6.9 million to boy molested by L.A. Unified teacher









A jury has awarded $6.9 million to a 14-year-old boy who was molested by a Los Angeles Unified School District teacher when he was a fifth-grade student.


The judgment, among the largest ever awarded in a district molestation case, comes at a time when L.A. Unified faces close to 200 pending molestation and lewd conduct claims arising from another teacher's alleged conduct at Miramonte Elementary School.


Tuesday's jury award stems from acts committed by Forrest Stobbe, a veteran teacher at Queen Anne Place Elementary School in the Mid-Wilshire area. In September 2011, Stobbe pleaded no contest to two counts of a lewd act on a child and to continuous sexual abuse of a child younger than 14. He is currently serving a 16-year sentence in prison.








The case turned on how much responsibility the school system bore, and whether district employees should have recognized warning signs that Stobbe posed a threat to the boy. Attorneys for the school system insisted that district staff acted in a professional and appropriate manner and could not have known what Stobbe was doing.


Stobbe molested the boy beginning in October 2008, when the 10-year-old was his student, and continued to abuse him through the following July, when he was arrested.


Early in the school year, Stobbe befriended the boy, earning his trust, then began to molest him in his classroom in episodes that became more brazen and invasive. He also gave the boy numerous gifts.


Stobbe also ingratiated himself with the victim's family, buying the boy season passes to amusement parks, where he would take the boy, then molest him before dropping him off at home.


The family appreciated the teacher's interest so much that the boy's father asked his son if Stobbe should become his godfather. It was then that the boy told his father of the abuse, the father testified.


The evidence against Stobbe included a jar of petroleum jelly in his school desk that tested positive for the boy's DNA. The boy told police that Stobbe used the jelly as a lubricant for sex acts.


The plaintiffs argued that there were abundant warning signs that should have alerted Stobbe's supervisors.


More than two years before his arrest, Stobbe was observed alone with a girl in his car. He allegedly told the principal that he had parental permission to give the student a ride, but that was never verified. He also had private lunches with students in his classroom, which was against school rules.


In another incident, an angry student pushed Stobbe down a flight of stairs, injuring the teacher. The student later declined to talk to police, who consider him another possible victim.


In November 2008, a girl in Stobbe's class complained that the teacher was making her feel uncomfortable. Stobbe, she said, was stroking her hair, putting it into a ponytail and had once touched her buttocks.


Principal Mary Ann Hall testified that she called the police department, which advised her to handle the matter on her own — a claim the Los Angeles Police Department disputes. If police had been alerted to allegations of such contact, the department would have launched an investigation, said Det. Moses Castillo, who supervised the investigation after Stobbe's arrest.


Hall, who has since retired, testified that she properly notified her supervisors. Attorneys for the family asserted that Hall either failed to do so, or that her supervisors failed to act on the information.


In the end, the panel of six men and six women found that L.A. Unified was 30% responsible for total damages, which they calculated at $23 million. The other 70% of the liability was assigned to Forrest Stobbe, but attorneys said they had no plans to collect from the imprisoned former educator.


Responding to the verdict, a district spokesman emphasized the district's commitment to the safety of children.


"We take our duty to protect our students seriously and are continually looking for ways that we can strengthen our screening and reporting processes to ensure that no child is ever hurt in this way," general counsel David Holmquist said. "Although we can't change what happened in this case, we remain committed to doing everything in our power to promote healing and improve trust with those impacted."


Issues in the Stobbe case — alleged lack of oversight, missed warning signs — could come into play with the Miramonte cases.


There, parents questioned teacher Mark Berndt's propensity for taking pictures of students, an issue that administrators did not pursue. Photos later emerged of blindfolded students allegedly being spoon-fed Berndt's semen, among other alleged wrongdoings.


Berndt has pleaded not guilty to 23 counts of lewd conduct.


Damage claims — the precursor to a lawsuit — have been filed by 126 students and 63 parents. There are also six lawsuits on behalf of 37 students and one involving 11 parents.


"Some of the same issues in the Miramonte case are highlighted here," said attorney Don Beck of the San Diego firm Estey & Bomberger, which represented the family of the victim in the Stobbe case. "The same lack of monitoring teachers, the same lack of supervision that allowed these events to happen."


howard.blume@latimes.com





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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg donating $500 million in stock to Silicon Valley charity






SAN FRANCISCO – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said Tuesday he is donating nearly $ 500 million in stock to a Silicon Valley charity with the aim of funding health and education issues.


Zuckerberg donated 18 million Facebook shares, valued at $ 498.8 million based on their Tuesday closing price. The beneficiary is the Silicon Valley Community Foundation, a non-profit that works with donors to allocate their gifts.






This is Zuckerberg’s largest donation to date. He pledged $ 100 million in Facebook stock to Newark, New Jersey, public schools in 2010, before his company went public earlier this year. Later in 2010, he joined Giving Pledge, an effort led by Microsoft Corp. founder Bill Gates and Berkshire Hathaway Inc. CEO Warren Buffett to get the country’s richest people to donate most of their wealth. His wife, Priscilla Chan, joined with him.


In a Facebook post Tuesday, Zuckerberg, 28, said he’s “proud of the work” done by the foundation that his Newark donation launched, called Startup: Education, which has helped open charter schools, high schools and others.


With the latest contribution, he added, “we will look for areas in education and health to focus on next.” He did not give further details on what plans there may be for funds.


“Mark’s generous gift will change lives and inspire others in Silicon Valley and around the globe to give back and make the world a better place,” said Emmett D. Carson, CEO of the foundation.


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Cassadee Pope wins Season 3 of 'The Voice'


NEW YORK (AP) — Cassadee Pope, who was country singer Blake Shelton's protege on the third season of NBC's "The Voice," has won the show's competition.


The 23-year-old singer is stepping out into a solo career after performing with a band called Hey Monday. Her victory over Scottish native Terry McDermott and long-bearded Nicholas David was announced at the end of a two-hour show Tuesday.


"The Voice" has grown into a hit for NBC and was the key factor in the network's surprising success this fall.


The show's status was affirmed by the stream of hitmakers who performed on the finale. They included Rihanna, Bruno Mars, the Killers, Smokey Robinson and Peter Frampton.


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Irish Government Set to Allow Abortion in Rare Cases





DUBLIN — The Irish government said Tuesday that it was preparing to allow abortion under limited circumstances in an effort to comply with demands by the European Court of Human Rights to clarify the country’s legal position on the issue.







Cathal Mcnaughton/Reuters

A vigil was held in Dublin on Monday in memory of Dr. Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old dentist who died after being denied an abortion.








The proposed legislative and regulatory changes would allow abortion only in cases where there is a real and substantial risk to a woman’s life — as distinct from her health.


The Supreme Court ruled in 1992 that abortion was permissible when risk was present, but the government never passed a law to that effect.


Addressing Parliament after the announcement, Prime Minister Enda Kenny was at pains to emphasize that the proposals would allow abortion only in certain cases. He added that the threat of suicide could be among them.


The abortion debate has convulsed Ireland for decades, but calls for change reached a crescendo after the death of Dr. Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old dentist, in October. Dr. Halappanavar arrived at a Galway hospital in severe pain and was found to be miscarrying. Her fetus had a heartbeat, making termination of the pregnancy illegal under Irish law. She died of septicemia a week after admission.


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In defense-heavy San Diego, 'fiscal cliff' threat hits home









SAN DIEGO — Vicky Geron's restaurant a few blocks from the gates of the naval base here and the 86-acre Nassco shipbuilding yard depends on the weekday lunch crowd, split evenly between sailors and defense contractors.


Geron said her recession-battered Mexican eatery in this industrial stretch of the Barrio Logan neighborhood could be closed down if the country fails to avoid the "fiscal cliff" — the triggering of automatic defense cuts along with tax hikes — because no deal was reached on the federal budget.


The impasse gripping the nation disproportionately threatens San Diego County because the military and defense industry is an economic juggernaut, responsible for 1 in 4 jobs in the area.





If the fiscal cliff isn't averted, the county stands to lose as much as $5.9 billion in tax breaks and federal spending, according to an August report by the National University System Institute for Policy Research.


The ripple effects of those cuts worry business owners such as Geron whose livelihoods are tied to defense.


"It's scary," Geron, 50, said on a recent afternoon as she wrapped up a burrito at Colima's Mexican Food. "It bothers me that I don't know what's going to happen."


In recent months, San Diego business groups have been lobbying legislators furiously, pressing for a solution that would soften defense cuts. Local groups have staged rallies outside lawmakers' district offices, pressing for more urgency on budget talks.


For now, frustration builds as San Diego businesses and economists wait to see what shape a deal might take. They are bracing for the worst: sequestration, the almost dirty word used in this Navy town to refer to the automatic defense cuts.


"Sequestration would make for an immediate hit," said Erik Bruvold, president of the National University institute. "Contracts will get scaled back, federal employees laid off."


Since early summer, groups including the Aerospace Industries Assn. have projected that the federal cuts triggered by the fiscal impasse could cost California 126,000 jobs in aerospace, a sizable industry in Southern California.


The political and economic uncertainty in recent months has shaken hiring confidence, with many defense contractors enacting a de facto hiring freeze.


"The business environment is paralyzed right now," said Jamie Hewitt Moraga, president of IntelliSolutions Inc., an information and system technologies defense firm based in San Diego. "On the government side, we're seeing a lot of delays with contracts. We cannot hire direct employees until we have the government funding."


Moraga said that if cuts are steep, the firm would be forced to find ways to cut costs and hiring would slow. "We're not looking at layoffs," she said. "But if there are programs that are cut, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."


Nassco, whose 3,600 employees make it the largest industrial manufacturing firm in San Diego, had planned early this year to lay off 350 workers but reversed course as the economy improved. The company, once known as National Steel & Shipbuilding Co., will continue work on existing contracts — including commercial ones — and will react to defense cuts if and when they happen, a company spokeswoman said.


Contributing to the uncertainty is the lack of information from the Pentagon on possible cuts, economists said.


"Realistically we'd like to see no cuts at all," said Mark Cafferty, president of the San Diego Regional Economic Development Corp. But compromises have to be made, he added.


As budget negotiations continue in Washington, local groups such as Cafferty's have banded together in an effort called Operation San Diego to lobby lawmakers. They have joined groups such as the San Diego Military Advisory Council and San Diego Regional Chamber of Commerce to advocate for a better solution to automatic spending cuts.


Although the region is vulnerable to the effects of the fearsome-sounding fiscal cliff, some economists say that a compromise will be brokered and that the region may benefit from a shift in military strategy.


"I think it's unlikely to take place because there's so much public and market pressure," said Lynn Reaser, chief economist at the Fermanian Business and Economic Institute at Point Loma Nazarene University.


Reaser said that if a budget deal isn't reached and the economy slides back into recession because of partisan bickering, Republican and Democratic lawmakers will both share the blame. She estimates the chance of falling off the so-called cliff at 25%, "but one cannot rule out the risk," she said.


"We would be hit harder than the nation and the state as a whole because of defense," she said.


Reaser's group recently conducted a study on the military and defense contribution to the regional economy and found that $20.6 billion of direct spending will flow into the area during fiscal 2012.


The military sector is responsible for 311,000 of San Diego County's jobs in 2012 after accounting for all the ripple effects of defense spending. An estimated $9.7 billion will flow into the county during the fiscal year from past and current defense contracts.


Reaser's report, commissioned by the San Diego Military Advisory Council, did offer a few bright spots for San Diego.


The Navy, for instance, is planning on shifting its focus to the Asia Pacific region and will eventually keep 60% of naval operations in the Pacific and 40% in the Atlantic. Presently, operations are evenly split. That would modestly increase the number of troops stationed in the area.


A shift in technology toward unmanned vehicles could also prove beneficial to contractors in San Diego, she said.


But all the forecasts and calls for a resolution on the fiscal impasse mean little to business owners such as Geron. The wife of a retired Navy man said she's frustrated with the political gridlock that she fears could bring her to close the restaurant she's operated for eight years.


"I think it's time they got things done," Geron said, "and get the economy moving again."


ricardo.lopez2@latimes.com





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Newport Beach dock renters may withhold holiday love









Marcy Cook embraces the holiday season. The tell? Start with the teddy bears dressed as Santa. More than 1,500 stand sentry around and inside her Newport Beach waterfronthome. Garland and strings of lights threaten to strangle the place like kudzu.


"We decorate a little bit, if you haven't noticed," said Cook, 69. "It's the highlight of the year for us."


Each Christmas, Newport Harbor is ablaze in lights as homeowners go to extraordinary lengths to complement the city's annual Christmas Boat Parade — an indelible tradition that renews itself Wednesday night and continues through Sunday.





But this has been a stressful season here along the tranquil waterfront lined with multimillion-dollar homes.


An increase in city rental fees for residential docks that protrude over public tidelands created a furor when it was approved last week by the City Council.


It also prompted a call to boycott the boat parade and festival of lights by a group calling itself "Stop the Dock Tax."


"It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people," organization Chairman Bob McCaffrey wrote to the city. "This year, we are turning off our lights and withdrawing our boats in protest of the massive new dock tax we expect the City Council to levy."


Pete Pallette, a fellow boycott proponent and harbor homeowner, told city leaders the group would call off the boycott only if the council delayed voting on the rent hike. "Otherwise," he vowed, "game on."


In a place where homes come with names and mega-yachts bob in the harbor, it might appear the wealthy are wielding a weapon most often reserved for the masses. A holiday blackout, proponents say, will underscore their displeasure.


Newport's dock fee, which has stood at $100 a year for the last two decades, will now be based on a dock's size. The city says rents will increase to about $250 for a small slip to $3,200 annually for a large dock shared by two homeowners.


"People have been paying $8 a month all these years to access what is public waters," said Newport Beach City Manager Dave Kiff. "That's a pretty good deal. The City Council didn't think the increase it approved was too extreme."


Many did.


They packed council meetings when the hike was discussed, accusing the city of an excessive money grab.


They brushed aside the city's rationale: Statelawmandates cities charge fair market rents for the private use of public lands, and Newport Beach was only now catching up.


And they were unmoved by arguments that the extra revenue will go exclusively to badly needed repairs to a harbor that, despite outward appearances, needs a lot of work.


The city's five-year plan for the harbor calls for $29 million in long-overdue maintenance. Its silt-filled channels haven't been fully dredged since the Great Depression. Ancient, leaky sea walls protecting neighborhoods need to be repaired or replaced.


"We have the makings of a perfect storm like they did on the East Coast" during Superstorm Sandy, said Chris Miller, the city's harbor resources manager. "The sea walls are nearing the end of their useful life."


Even with the rent increases, Newport's dock owners will contribute a tiny fraction of that cost — the rest coming from the federal government and the city's general operating fund.


As dock owners fumed over having to pay more, others recoiled at the proposed boycott of the boat parade, which dates to 1908 when a single gondola led eight canoes illuminated by Japanese lanterns around the harbor. It has now swelled to a decent-sized armada of dozens of boats — some carrying paying customers — that circle past the decorated harbor-front homes.


"The boycott is ridiculous," said Shirley Pepys, whose frontyard on Balboa Island has been taken over by a family of penguins dressed for a Hawaiian luau.





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Iran leader gets the clicks with Facebook rumor






DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — A Facebook page purportedly created by Iran‘s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei attracted nearly 10,000 followers on Tuesday although the site’s content and style raise serious questions about its authenticity.


Iranian authorities had no immediate comment on the site, which apparently went online last week but only recently gained prominence among social media watchers. Despite the possibility that it is a hoax, the page has generated at least 170 comments — laudatory and derogatory, and nearly all in Farsi — that highlight the deep political divisions in Iran and possibly opposition fervor from expatriate Iranians.






One post compared Khamenei to a celebrated ruler of ancient Persia, Cyrus the Great, who significantly expanded the Persian empire 2,500 years ago.


Another wrote: “Mr. Khamenei, how are you visiting this page? With proxy?”


It was a reference to Iran’s blocking of Facebook and many other Western social media sites, and the efforts to bypass the restrictions using proxy server links from outside Iran.


The U.S. State Department said Monday it will keep tabs on the page, but had no comment on whether it was genuine or not. Spokeswoman Victoria Nuland joked that Washington is curious how many “likes” the Khamenei page receives.


But much about the page — including an informal photo of Khamenei riding in a car — suggested it was not sanctioned by Iran’s top leader. It is also highly unlikely that Khamenei would endorse a banned outlet such as Facebook.


The Net is not unknown territory for Iranian leaders, however. Khamenei, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and others have official websites. Also, some senior Iranian clerics issue religious opinions by email.


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NBC correspondent escapes Syria kidnapping


BEIRUT (AP) — More than a dozen pro-regime gunmen kidnapped and held NBC's chief foreign correspondent Richard Engel and several colleagues for five days inside Syria, threatening them with mock executions and blindfolding them before the team finally escaped unharmed during a firefight between their captors and rebels, Engel said Tuesday.


Speaking to NBC's "Today" show one day after the escape, an unshaven Engel said the kidnappers executed at least one of his rebel escorts on the spot at the time he was captured. He also said he believes the kidnappers were a Shiite militia group loyal to the Syrian government, which is fighting a deadly civil war against rebels.


"They kept us blindfolded, bound," said 39-year-old Engel, who speaks and reads Arabic. "We weren't physically beaten or tortured. A lot of psychological torture, threats of being killed. They made us choose which one of us would be shot first and when we refused, there were mock shootings," he added.


"They were talking openly about their loyalty to the government," Engel said. He said the captors were trained by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard and allied with Hezbollah, the Lebanese Shiite militant group.


"They captured us in order to carry out this exchange," he said.


Both Iran and Hezbollah are close allies of the embattled Syrian regime, which has become a global pariah since it unleashed its forces in March 2011 to crush mostly peaceful protests against the regime. The bloody crackdown on protests led many in Syria to take up arms against the government, and the conflict has morphed into a civil war.


Engel said he was told the kidnappers wanted to exchange him and his crew for four Iranian and two Lebanese prisoners being held by the rebels.


Around 11 p.m. Monday, Engel said he and the others were being moved to another location in northern Idlib province.


"And as we were moving along the road, the kidnappers came across a rebel checkpoint, something they hadn't expected. We were in the back of what you would think of as a minivan," he said. "The kidnappers saw this checkpoint and started a gunfight with it. Two of the kidnappers were killed. We climbed out of the vehicle and the rebels took us. We spent the night with them."


The team crossed back into neighboring Turkey earlier Tuesday.


NBC did not identify the others who were kidnapped along with Engel. The network said there was no claim of responsibility, no contact with the captors and no request for ransom during the time the crew was missing.


The Syrian government has barred most foreign media coverage of the civil war in Syria, which has killed more than 40,000 people since the uprising began in March 2011. Those journalists whom the regime has allowed in are tightly controlled in their movements by Information Ministry minders. Many foreign journalists sneak into Syria illegally with the help of smugglers.


Several journalists have been killed covering the conflict. Among them are award-winning French TV reporter Gilles Jacquier, photographer Remi Ochlik and Britain's Sunday Times correspondent Marie Colvin. Also, Anthony Shadid, a correspondent for The New York Times, died after an apparent asthma attack while on assignment in Syria.


Engel joined NBC in 2003 and was named chief foreign correspondent in April 2008. He previously worked as a freelance journalist for ABC News, including during the U.S. invasion of Iraq. He has lived in the Middle East since he graduated from Stanford University in 1996, according to his biography from NBC.


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The New Old Age Blog: In the Middle: Helping Unhappy Couples

A post on Monday discussed the forces that can make an older couple’s good marriage suddenly go bad — an array of subtle, and often-misunderstood, mental, physical and emotional factors that can upset the equilibrium of even the happiest marriages.

Now we have consulted marriage counselors and geriatricians to find out what caregivers — either the grown children of the couple, or one of the spouses involved– can do to help restore peace and balance to these relationships. The experts consulted uniformly agreed that even older people can at least take steps to reduce tensions and improve their relationship, even if they cannot actually change. (Really, who can, at any age?)

“Even though the situation may seem overwhelming, take heart,” said Dr. Gordon Herz, a psychologist in private practice in Madison, Wisc., who specializes in neuropsychology and rehabilitation psychology. “Couples who have been together for 60 years tend to have worked out ways to manage conflict – or they wouldn’t still be together.”

Retreat to a neutral corner

When grown children see their parents fight, many want to run and hide. But those who are assuming an increased caregiving role often feel impelled to jump in and “fix” the problem, as they do with the other caregiving issues.

If you are so inclined, experts speak with one loud voice to advise: Don’t!

Trying to act as emotional broker between your parents can backfire. (Now they tell me! Suffice it to say that after one such effort my sister said to me in not exactly the friendliest tone, “Well, that went well, didn’t it?”)

“It’s better if your parents can find somebody else to talk to than you,” said Dr. Nancy K. Schlossberg, professor emerita of counseling psychology at the University of Maryland and the author of “Overwhelmed: Coping With Life’s Ups and Downs.”

Don’t give up on marital therapy

“Marital therapy for individuals over 65 years of age is difficult, since habits of a lifetime are deeply ingrained,” stated a study in The Canadian Journal of Medicine, one of the few in the medical literature about marital therapy among older people.

“Yet, in a sense, marital therapy is more crucial for the elderly than for younger patients,” the study continued. “At a time when they are least adaptable and most vulnerable to stress and are entering perhaps the most difficult period of their lives, the elderly must learn new methods of relating and coping” because of the physical and mental changes described in our earlier post.

There’s another reason learning to cope with life changes as a couple is even more critical for older couples: Unlike younger couples, the elderly are rarely in a position to leave the marriage and start over.

Help at least one spouse get counseling

What if only half the couple is ready to seek counseling? Not a problem, therapists said. “You want to help the part of the couple that is suffering,” said Dr. Elaine Rodino, a therapist in private practice in State College, Penn. “The other person may still be the curmudgeon, but I think of it as the law of physics: When you change one aspect of the formula, things change in the total.”

When dementia affects one of the spouses, therapy can help the caregiving spouse learn coping techniques, “which can reduce the marital discord and stress that can make conditions, especially cognitive difficulties, worse,” said Dr. William Dale, chief of geriatrics at the University of Chicago Geriatrics Medicine.

Consider the general practitioner or internist

If the couple won’t see a marriage counselor or therapist, can a family doctor be of any use? The experts had mixed responses.

Many pointed out that general practitioners have neither the time nor the training to offer much relationship help, unless the origin of the problem is exclusively physical. Others thought they could be of use, if given a little direction from the family.

“I encourage the kids to talk to the doctor in advance and let him know something is going on – signs of depression or other problems the parents won’t talk about,” advised Dr. Dale, adding that a consultation with a geriatrician who is more familiar with problems of the aging might be even more productive. “Then the doctor can say, ‘Gee, you sound really frustrated or down — are there any reasons we can explore?’”

Don’t overlook the importance of intimacy

“Mutually stimulating sexual relationships need care and feeding by both partners at any age, but especially in the geriatric years,” according to a study on marital therapy for the elderly. “The need for physical contact, warmth and touching perhaps reaches a peak in this age of loneliness, decreased self-esteem and poor health.”

Forget the idea that elderly couples are too shy to talk about intimacy, insisted Dr. Rodino. “I saw a couple in their 80s, the husband was getting penile injections at the doctor’s office, and then they hurried home to have sex.”

But Dr. Rodino does concede that for older patients it is especially important to focus not only on sexual function and performance, but on “touching, and non-intercourse sexual relations; I help them rekindle the affection and emotional closeness,” Dr. Rodino said.

Address any neuropsychological issues.

To find out whether the sudden marital conflict may stem from early mental cognitive impairment (M.C.I.) —or to rule M.C.I. out and find the real source of trouble — make sure the spouse obtains a full neuropsychological evaluation. If it is M.C.I., “it convinces everybody that there is more than just abstinence, it’s not a personality problem — and they need to address it,” said Dr. Dale.

Don’t overlook simple solutions

“Sometimes a memory problem is something simple, like low Vitamin B12, that is easily fixed,” said Dr. Dale. “Or hypothyroidism, which is quite common, can affect memory.”

In that case, doctors administer synthroid, a thyroid hormone replacement that Dr. Dale said is “very safe, with almost no side effects.” Other changes in behavior can also be the result of a simple problem or be remedied by a change in medication. Don’t assume the worst.

Put an end to the blame game

Help reframe the problem. “Even if dementia is involved, let them know it’s not that their partner hates them, it’s that he is having cognitive changes,” said Dr. Linda Waite, director of the Center on Demography and Economics of Aging at NORC/University of Chicago.

“When you re-frame it like that, it’s easier for the spouse not to take it personally and not blame themselves and feel it’s something they did,” said Dr. Waite. “It can make a difference.”

A 2009 study in the journal Gerontologist supports this notion: “Care partners likely would benefit from strategies aimed at reducing self-blame, enhancing coping skills … and communicating effectively with the person with M.C.I and significant others.”

Separate the anxiety

Divide and conquer — time away improves time together.

“Older couples, especially those with disabilities, spend way too much time together,” said Dr. Lisa Gwyther, director of the Duke Center for Aging Family Support Program. “It would be a problem for any couple.”

Caregivers can best help by arranging for an activity or outing that each spouse can do separately so they can return to each other refreshed and more cheerful. “That can help a lot,” said Dr. Gwyther.

Dial down the tone

For spouse caregivers, it is important to watch not just what is said, but how it is said. In any relationship, tone influences our interpretation of what our partner says. Those with M.C.I. will especially react to tone, rather than the substance of the exchange, Dr. Dale said.

“Ratchet down the emotions, repeat things calmly,” Dr. Dale said. The person with cognitive problems doesn’t know he asked the same question five times — he only knows that you sound angry at him for no reason he can fathom. One spouse’s anger fuels the other’s, and pretty soon there is a fight or withdrawal.

Zero tolerance for violence

If a spouse becomes violent, “that’s an entirely different issue,” said Dr. Schlossberg. “Call in an expert on family violence” or the police.

Help them help others

Nobody likes feeling dependent and having to ask for help. Finding a way to have your loved one volunteer, help others and continue to feel useful can improve moods and marital interactions – even if M.C.I. is involved.

With one couple Dr. Gwyther saw, the wife was not only “driving her husband nuts because she was asking him the same questions over and over,” but she could no longer drive and deliver food in a mobile meals program as she used to. “So her husband agreed to be the driver — and she took the meals to the doors,” Dr. Gwyther recalled.”It made her feel good to continue to do that — and it made them feel good to do it together.”

Caregiver, heal thyself

You have heard it a million times here and elsewhere but, unlike us, this advice never gets old.

If you are exhausted from caregiving, you are bound to be cranky, and that will make everybody around you edgy and irritable, too — especially the spouse who requires your care. Taking the time to look after your own health and engage in activities that bring you pleasure can go a long way toward reducing stress and reestablishing a peaceful balance in a marriage.

How have you coped with tensions in your marriage — or in your elderly parents’ marriage, as you care for them in their old age? Share in the comments below.

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Lincoln accused of 'tricky' tire switch by automotive website









If shoes make the man, tires make the car.


And that's perhaps why Lincoln slapped Ferrari-caliber tires on a media car it delivered toautoreviewers. The expensive rubber was first detected by Edmunds.com, which in turn blasted the automaker for trying to mask the shortcomings of its new MKZ sedan.


Edmunds.com, the Santa Monica car buying guide, noticed that the MKZ completed a slalom course faster than a BMW M5 — among the best-handling sedans on Earth.





"That's exactly the kind of data point those tricky tire-switching Lincoln engineers were hoping for. Foolish. Instead of trying to game the media, Lincoln should have designed and engineered a better car," Erin Riches wrote in a scathing review.


Ford objected to the Edmunds assessment.


"That insinuation is simply not true," said Timothy Elliott, a Lincoln spokesman. "The summer tires that were specified for the California-based media are in a sport package that will become available in January. This is not gaming the system."


The tires in question are actually available on the MKZ. Trouble is, fewer than 1% of consumers will actually get those tires, a Ford Motor Co. spokesman acknowledged.


The Lincoln MKZ is the first in a series of vehicles that Ford hopes will rebuild its flagging luxury brand. It has designated designers for Lincoln and created a new studio to make the vehicles more distinct from their Ford siblings. It even changed the brand name to Lincoln Motor Co. in a new advertising campaign.


Through the first 11 months of this year, Lincoln has sold 74,766 vehicles, a 3% decline from the same period last year. Cadillac, by contrast, has sold more than 131,000 vehicles while Lexus has sold more than 200,000 and Mercedes-Benz and BMW have each sold about 250,000.


Tweaking vehicles targeted for test drives and reviews happens occasionally, said Karl Brauer, editor of TotalCarScore.com. He should know, he's done 60 road tests of new models so far this year, and noticed that some drive better at the company-hosted events than inreallife.


"You can change the parameters of a car electronically very easily, and I think they do it," Brauer said. "I think this is an issue.... You want the publication to say it feels very fast and responsive."


Upgrading tires is probably less common than electronically adjusting the car's tuning, Brauer said. But tires can have a huge impact on test results. As the only point of contact with the road, high-performance tires, made of softer rubber, can yield large gains in traction, breaking and cornering, even acceleration from a dead stop.


Edmunds.com noticed the ultra-aggressive Michelin Pilot Super Sport summer tires while testing a V6, all-wheel-drive 2013 Lincoln MKZ provided by Lincoln.


"They're the kind of tires that come standard on cars like the $90K BMW M5 and the $410K Ferrari 599 GTO," Edmunds.com said in its review.


The tires come with a $1,565 package, which also includes 19-inch rims and a sport-tuned suspension.


The Times is testing a different Lincoln MKZ — also provided by the company with the high-performance tires — for an upcoming review.


Scott Oldham, editor in chief of Edmunds.com, called the Lincoln move silly.


"This is not a car that represents what people will buy," Oldham said. "You wouldn't want the tires on the MKZ because they hurt ride comfort, interior noise levels and fuel economy. The gain in handling isn't worth the trade-offs. Lincoln understands that."


david.undercoffler@latimes.com


jerry.hirsch@latimes.com





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